So today is December 9th, it would have been Jessica's birthday. Unfortunately, she passed away suddenly earlier this year. While, I have done a bunch of soul searching and reflecting on this, I am still dealing with her loss. I don't know exactly what to say other than, grief is a very strange and powerful thing. It comes out of nowhere and hits you with same intensity as a punch that knocks the wind out of you. You just get blasted with an acute pain that has to be dealt with. The problem is that after a moment, that acute pain subsides and you are left with the loss - the chasm between the joy that person brought to your life, and the hole that is now left in their absence. I know I am not the only one who has dealt with this, and realize my pain isn't special... but it is a real challenge to feel anything other than alone in that moment.
In the wake of that pain-filled moment, I feel like I am left with two choices. 1. Cash my chips in on this existence, basically say if I have to feel this kind of pain and go on without this person, I don't want to participate in life - nothing is worth that. OR 2. Pick up the torch that my loved one has left, and carry on for them... try to live in a way that would honor them, achieve things that they never had the chance to do. If I am honest, I pick choice number 1 quite often. However, I never stay with that decision for more than a few seconds. It's selfish and doesn't solve anything. I have to forge ahead for her. My album is the first of many things that I plan to do for her/because of her. She is still guiding me in a way, and I'd be a fool to throw that inspiration away.