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© 2017 by Dave Rudolph. Proudly created with Wix.com

Sorry this one isn't too positive...but it's important to me to just get it out there.

December 10, 2018

So today is December 9th, it would have been Jessica's birthday. Unfortunately, she passed away suddenly earlier this year. While, I have done a bunch of soul searching and reflecting on this, I am still dealing with her loss. I don't know exactly what to say other than, grief is a very strange and powerful thing. It comes out of nowhere and hits you with same intensity as a punch that knocks the wind out of you. You just get blasted with an acute pain that has to be dealt with. The problem is that after a moment, that acute pain subsides and you are left with the loss - the chasm between the joy that person brought to your life, and the hole that is now left in their absence. I know I am not the only one who has dealt with this, and realize my pain isn't special... but it is a real challenge to feel anything other than alone in that moment. 

 

In the wake of that pain-filled moment, I feel like I am left with two choices. 1. Cash my chips in on this existence, basically say if I have to feel this kind of pain and go on without this person, I don't want to participate in life - nothing is worth that. OR 2. Pick up the torch that my loved one has left, and carry on for them... try to live in a way that would honor them, achieve things that they never had the chance to do. If I am honest, I pick choice number 1 quite often. However, I never stay with that decision for more than a few seconds. It's selfish and doesn't solve anything. I have to forge ahead for her. My album is the first of many things that I plan to do for her/because of her. She is still guiding me in a way, and I'd be a fool to throw that inspiration away. 

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